Finishing up with Thailand

Koh Mook wasn’t our final dalliance with island Thailand. Destination for the last few days of island hopping was Koh Kradan.

Kradan was much smaller than anywhere else we’d been, just a few mere miles from Mook. We really didn’t fancy mucking around too much with the variable timetables, routes and helmsmanship of the speedboats, and luckily managed to strike a deal with one of the tour operators in town to cross over on his longtail boat, en route to a snorkelling trip.

Kradan is an exclusive island because it’s hard to get to, and there are only about 6 places to stay in total. Aside from that it’s got a lovely relaxed vibe. We managed to get in at Reef Resort. I’d seen this whilst planning the trip, but was faced with months of red dates on their website…Scandinavian families come here every year, without fail, so there’s not much slack. Happily though, whilst browsing earlier in the holiday a few days came free on Agoda.

Reef Resort isn’t glamorous, but it is comfy, and Kradan is all about the beach anyway. Pricey by Thai standards, but pretty reasonable in the scheme of places on the island.

In fact, you can forgive a pricey beer or two when you learn that everything, but everything, is landed on this beach via Longtail and humped up the beach.

What more is there to do? We enjoyed a very pleasant 4 nights here doing precisely nothing, and occasionally mooching up and down the beach, eyed with some degree of envy by the daytrippers who descended every day like a sunburnt horde of locusts before departing again hours later, leaving the island once more, gloriously depopulated.

Our most Robinson Crusoe moments came in jaunts across the island. Much like good old Leo, curiosity and slight island boredom led to us exploring the track to Sunset Beach, and with a similarly intrepid couple we met, the off-shoot to an allegedly better beach… after around a mile of virgin jungle track we knocked this one on the head, and settled for a quick cleanup of Sunset Beach, appalled at the tide of plastic which apparently had been cleared mere months before,..

It was with a degree of sadness that we boarded the speedboat from Kradan, back towards (relative) civilisation. It’s definitely somewhere I’d return, with a significantly lower percentage of twats than most similarly exclusive islands.

Thankfully our return trip to Phuket was vastly calmer and smoother, logistics wise than the trip out, having sensibly gone for Bundhaya instead of Tigerline.

Phuket gets a bad reputation from its wilder corners, but actually I love the Old Town…plenty to see, decent food and none of the Go Go bar excesses of other corners of the island. We stayed again at Woo Hotel, a beautiful building with near-unbelievable attention to detail in every highly-polished corner.

I’d slightly screwed up the booking… thus far we have been extremely successful in navigating the often rather labyrinthine system of rates and dates within Agoda, but I’d let this one slip and we ended up losing a few quid having cancelled it once outside of their policy. But at 60 quid a night you really can’t fault this place at all.

We found a fantastic place for dinner, in some kind of crazy inside/outside garden restaurant, and thereafter beers in a, yes, Liverpool themed bar. Despite the football reference this actually had a great vibe and good live music.

The next day, we had a somewhat unwise morning of wandering the markets and shops, probably one of the hottest days of the holiday, utterly excoriating heat and impossible to escape in the concrete jungle, other than in air conditioned oases like the Cub cafe, dedicated not to slightly chubby gay men but the aforementioned Honda motorcycle.

For our final two nights I’d significantly pushed the boat out. I didn’t know what we would make of it, but Barcelo hotels, a Spanish chain that I’ve used a lot, have a whole island off the coast of Phuket, an all-inclusive super resort. It was pricey but not astronomically so… think mediocre Holborn hotel prices.

Upon arrival, I learnt that we’d been upgraded. It seriously pays to maintain loyalty accounts with chains, and to make sure you book direct because, for the not-overly scandalous price of our hot tub suite, we ended up with an enormous and lovely pool villa.

Just for a few hours at least, one could imagine life as a richer person. Utterly magnificent. Unfortunately in general, the clientele were exactly as expected…entitled and grumpy. Cheer up, you’re on holiday!

We didn’t go in much for activities, other than the deeply lovely hydrotherapy pool, and great gym, to break up the mooching. I also enjoyed the water slides, definitely not for kids, encountering a spectacularly grumpy American family sitting in the tiny plunge pool at the bottom of the slides. Because why wouldn’t you?

I had a slight feeling that they didn’t enjoy being splashed on my first run down, and over the course of at least 3 more runs when I worked hard on my speed and splashy exit, I became sure of this.

Slight relief was garnered by walking off resort and dealing with normal people at the “Muslim seafood” restaurant. So many questions, but delicious Thai food, definitely better than the pastiche restaurants on resort.

….with the slight exception of the Japanese restaurant on site, which provided an excellent final evening meal at a very much un-Thai price. Eek.

Checking out of Coconut Island definitely was a sad moment, although I really couldn’t imagine spending an entire fortnight here and thinking that was Thailand. Still, horses for courses.

Boat to the dock, Grab to the airport and here we were, on the cusp of hometime. Naturally, we’d got to the airport waaaay too early, because anxiety. Phuket Airport on the airside is an utter armpit, I’m not sure if this is all the time or on busy February afternoons, but it was way too small and largely filled with ignorant twats. Burger King in Phuket airport, another level of armpitness.

Since we were flying Jetstar, we had the added joy of departing from the ‘Bus Gates’ downstairs, a particularly crowded and sweaty corner of a crowded and sweaty airport. Thankfully though, we were travelling Jetstar Business Class, with seats right up front and a free roll of some description. I lie, there’s no business class, but you do get a few perks on a Qantas itinerary. Not that I’ll ever fly with the grumpy kangaroo gang again.

At least we had one holiday treat left…with a 4 hour stopover in Singapore, and a bit of focussed effort to get off the plane first, back from the satellite gates and through the terminal, we were able to finally visit Jewel, the most beautiful shopping centre you’ve ever seen.

To be fair, calling it a shopping centre vastly demeans the great Singaporean mall culture. Multiple levels, cinemas, shops, bars, all around the mesmerising central rain spout, host this night to various yoga classes in the terraces of the spectacular indoor rainforest.

And then, just like that, back to the gate, and into the grumpy world of Qantas, with a bollocking the second I arrived for not having my passport open. Never again will I give this lot any money. In fact the only moment of friendly customer service on the flight was from a new crew member, who clearly hadn’t learnt that customers are self-loading freight to be tolerated.

Best get the next big one booked! Chile, September by BA Business Class… fingers crossed for a smile or two onboard, eh?