So readers, here we are. A first tentative toe dipped into the world of cruises, starting with a brief 4-night jaunt from LA to Ensenada, Mexico and back.

This started as a bit of a whim really, and as ever the prospect of a good deal. We booked direct with Royal Caribbean in the UK, and with Blue Light Card discount it came to £1060 for a balcony cabin for both of us.

Given our first day’s dining in the US probably ran around £120, for some distinctly mediocre pub grub, this sounded like a cracking deal. Fed and (*selected non-alcoholic beverages) watered for a bargain few days.

January’s not really the time for wall-to-wall sun, but the weather was pleasant enough in LA, with the prospect of slight warming going further south.

We checked out of the Bates Motel. With a bit of time to kill before our scheduled check-in at 1pm we decided to check out a bit more of the coast, hitting Highway 1 to spare the multi-lane PacMan/Frogger hybrid that is the Interstate. Multiple identikit suburbs led us up to the surprisingly pleasant and chilled Huntingdon Beach, with surf shops on every corner and a lovely relaxed boardwalk/pier. The sun, once more, had his hat on, so it was a good way to start the day.

Fuelling up the behemoth just before the hire car depot, we Ubered over to the cruise port. This is part of the Port of Los Angeles, and the scale as you approach over the vast bridge is staggering. Even with a pretty huge cruise ship, we were minnows in amongst the container ships and bulk carriers plying the waterway.

We had a balcony cabin- On this cruise it was barely more cash than an inside cabin, and well worth the extra for people/ship watching. Amongst them a really interesting carbon capture ship which fits booms over the smoke stacks of ships in port to take the nasty stuff away. Drop in the ocean? Probably, although I expect it helps LA to breathe a little bit.

Naturally, this being an American party cruise there was a “Sail away party” on the pool deck. No, of course we didn’t attend. The last party I attended on a “cruise” ship was a somewhat paltry affair on the deck of a boat in Halong Bay, Vietnam- alhough I did end up, er, meeting a very lovely American chef that time. This one had more music and whooping, but no more appeal.

Instead we headed to the Windjammer, this ship’s buffet restaurant, situated at the rear of the ship with panoramic windows. The range and scale of food here is staggering, and the temptation to just have one more course is strong. This was one of the two occasions during our stay that it was an utter zoo- Boarding lunch in particular and breakfasts get seriously busy. To be honest, a little peopley for me and the clientele was, at times a little rustic. Just think big families from flyover states who don’t get out much.

As ever though, we consoled ourselves with the fact that, if Royal Caribbean is the Butlins of the seas, Carnival is Pontin’s.

But hey, it’s a big enough ship to hide from them. The food is excellent, people-watching even better. My favourite combo from my travel notes was another cruiser’s breakfast of baked beans, watermelon and croissant. Yummo!

Now, Navigator of the Seas is no longer one of the larger cruise vessels, however I was gobsmacked at the scale of the thing, with a central promenade taking the limelight. The geek in me marvelled at the kind of engineering which allows you to have a…well, street in the middle of a ship and for it still to manage to float. Navigator is over twenty years old now, and the general style could be considered a little dated, but nonetheless the public areas of the ship were still seriously glossy.

Cabin was decent enough, if a bit dated.

Luckily Mark had been in charge of the booking/organising things so we actually did have evening bookings for the main dining room. You pick your time and, generally, are seated at the same table throughout your cruise. This is a la carte and therefore somewhat less of a zoo than the buffet restaurant. There’s a dress code, but not a particularly strict one.

On our first night we were thankfully seated with some really interesting characters, no italics. A farming couple from a remote Canadian island, a teacher from Seattle and a special effects co-ordinator from LA. Since this was fairly close to home, all were just taking a brief jaunt to escape winter weather/just because. One common factor of everyone we met on the cruise was how surprised they were about us flying several thousand miles for a 4 night cruise. We did explain that this wasn’t the whole holiday, but still…

The food in the main dining room was, by and large, great. High quality and plenty of it. Our server Eka really made every night with charm, referring to our tables as “my family”. He also raised the extremely naughty concept of having two dishes for some courses. Gosh. Lots of people were already used to this, however it added yet another layer of delicious gluttony to the voyage. Quite why we’d bothered to buy and bring a large bag of nachos on the basis that we might need snacks is beyond me.

The next day was a sea day, so we indulged in all of the ship’s treats- There are quite a few events but also the random stuff like crazy golf and, er, the casino- Mark took to this a little too readily, winning and then losing decent sums on the slots. It wasn’t really pool weather, but in any case the ship’s pools (And hot-tubs, grr) were a bit overwhelmed with sprogs.

Cruising seems to settle into a pleasant routine mainly centred around food, particularly on days confined to the ship. That evening we’d made a speciality restaurant booking for about £30 extra each. When the main dining room is so good, you wonder what the point is, but actually this was great. We’d gone for Izumi, the Japanese restaurant right up top of the ship on the 13th deck, and it was a brilliant meal. Sushi and noodles. And a little too much Wasabi.

On this ship, you had the choice of Izumi, Jamie’s Italian, Chophouse and Hooked, a seafood restaurant. The others weren’t as immediately appealing, although Chophouse in particular, a steak restaurant, gets really good reviews.

The next morning we anchored off Catalina Island, very close to LA- The previous day’s cruising had just been going down towards Mexico and back for the sake of it. Sorry Greta. The prospect of escape from the ship and exploring somewhere new was exciting, so early breakfast and off via tender.

Catalina is clearly quite a well-to-do but naturally beautiful place, the centrepiece of which is a historic casino from its 1920’s heyday. It’s now utterly ruined by hordes of cruise passengers noisily disembarking and puttering around the place in golfcarts. Avid readers will note that I love a good stomp, so we (honest) decided on a bit of foot exploration.

There are plenty of historic sights to look at around the harbour, and then a humungous flight of stairs up to the higher parts. For a well-to-do Californian suburb, the people were surprisingly very friendly, with several unsolicited chats on our way around. Probably because we weren’t on a golf cart.

We continued our meanderings up through the higher part of town, and then, much to Mark’s chagrin, a further mile and a half uphill towards the botanic gardens, which actually turned out to be distinctly underwhelming, particularly for 12 quid each, their only saving grace a fairly impressive Art Deco folly at the top of the hill. And a few cacti.

Much of the town was a hive of activity on our way back down, with workmen sawing, drilling and generally fluffing up the numerous holiday homes down the main streets, ready for the summer period. Still, it struck me as somewhere with a lovely relaxed and homey vibe. I suspect it’s a bit of a different beast in the height of summer though, given its proximity to LA as a nice bolthole.

So, back to the boat for the rest of the afternoon. Still not quite pool weather, but a chance to hit the casino again and to prepare for another evening of poor nutritional choices at the dining room.

What really struck me about Navigator was the incredible range of drinking options, from the English-style pub, past the classy nautical Schooner bar all the way round to salsa bars and tiki bars, something for everyone.

Whilst we’d been a bit boring about the entertainment thus far, that evening we went to see Kivi Rogers, a well-known LA circuit comedian, which was a good laugh. Not belly laugh, but a decent act nonetheless. Every night there’s something different in the main theatre, and minor musical acts in most of the bars too for a bit of range.

The next day we docked bright and early at Ensenada, the Mexican end of the cruise. I was deeply excited for this- The prospect of visiting another country, trying some risky food, and hopefully getting a bit of Español in. As we left the boat, I rejected the $4 shuttle bus to “downtown” as we’d spied a little harbour just off the port which looked like a better place to begin a wander.

Sure enough, this was a mistake. Not more than 2 metres from leaving the dock gates we were immediately approached by a dodgy guy offering “girls”. OK then. What looked like a nice harbour to wander around turned out to just funnel you into an awful tourist tat market, which we promptly side-stepped and made our way out onto the main road.

Now this wasn’t much more inviting. Not dodgy, just standard South American working town, with a thundering, dusty highway heading towards town. Using a bit of stolen Wifi from McDonalds we’d ascertained that yes, there was a beach, and a Malecon (harbourside, promenade) literally a short distance down this road, so it was worth the short hike. There was a cultural centre opposite and all seemed well.

Unfortunately none of the side roads we tried actually ended up at the beach, and the pleasant seaside vista was broken up every few hundred metres by razor wire and military bases. This was patently a shit idea, but we pressed on, somewhat disquieted by the fairly frequent thundering army trucks along the road with machine gun-toting soldiers in the back.

The final straw as we approached what Google Maps said was definitely a beach was the small compound filled with sad, scabby horses that you could ride. This really was a little piece of Weston-Super-Mud. Eventually though we reached a short stretch of beach, lasting a few hundred metres until the next threatening concrete edifice.

Luckily though Google Maps had alerted us to “Caffeino”, a chain cafe just off the beach, where quite possibly we could have a coffee overlooking the sea. Actually no- It was a drive-through entirely cut off from the sea. The attendant looked ever-so-slightly shocked to have a pedestrian gringo at his window, however was extremely friendly and we ended up with a couple of huge iced coffees for about half the price of the US. At this point we decided to cut our losses. Thankfully Uber is universal, and within minutes a nice man whisked us back to the boat.

Ensenada? Nah. In hindsight one of the excursions in the surrounding countryside, whilst pricey, might have been a decent idea. Unfortunately, whilst wandering out on your own can lead to great things, when you’ve docked at a dusty Mexican commercial town you need to work a bit harder at it. And Google Maps sometimes doesn’t tell the truth. I did later find this utter gem though…

Amusingly, I later found that my regret about dissing the shuttke bus was entirely misplaced. It wasn’t bound for some cosmopolitan hidden place I hadn’t found, but rather the scabby dock we walked to. $4 well saved.

Back on the boat, the sun was out, and I for one decided on a water-based afternoon, taking advantage of the pools and the waverider- A kind of bodyboarding ‘endless wave’ type thing, which is really for young people and not half as easy as it looks. Didn’t fall off though…winning!

Many aspects of the American love of spending money somewhat passed me by- One thing which I found particularly odd was the ability to rent cabanas by the pool for the day. Whilst this includes a few bottles of water and waiter service, these were very enthusiastically priced at a few hundred dollars. Is this a showing off thing? I dunno.

That evening we enjoyed yet another fantastic meal in the main restaurant, and overcame inbuilt aversion to organised fun in order to see the feature show in the main theatre… “Showgirls”. Whilst again not our normal ‘thing’ the choreography and energy of the performance was amazing, and I think even Mr. Grumpy slightly enjoyed it. We bid farewell to our special effects friend and packed the bags ready for an early departure the next morning docking in LA again.

Overall I really enjoyed our first cruise, and actually have now booked another one for this autumn. Sure, entertainment and clientele are not always going to be your cup of tea but the overall concept is brilliant, and even with a couple of hundred bucks spent on board a good value few days.

Cruising seems to be all about upselling, and if you manage to avoid buying too much into that it’s a good idea. Most of the excursions were clearly overpriced, although prior research is a great idea and we would probably have done one in Ensenada if we’d known it wasn’t really a cosmopolitan beach town.

Drinks package? Again, we wouldn’t have got our money’s worth. Even at slightly inflated bar prices £70 worth of booze a day is a LOT to get through.

Speciality restaurants are probably worth sprinkling into your days for a bit of added variety… Izumi was great. Not every night though.

But for now, time for the next hire car and a bit of SoCal wandering!